I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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