he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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