now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
