is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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