we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
