I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
