I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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