Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the day after is always just damage control
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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