im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
