can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
