So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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