Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
