Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
