8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
