At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
