So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
