Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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