Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
