So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
