I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
