Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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