So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She told me I should be a condom model.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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