I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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