I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
