In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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