He is such a slut. More and more my type.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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