I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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