i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
