I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
