My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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