Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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