Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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