Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
