at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
