So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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