Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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