if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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