You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
