Kiss
Puke
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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