Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
