$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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