The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I won the penis lottery.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
