I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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