My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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