but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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