did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
