I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
