ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
