Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
