Plan B is the new Plan A
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
