Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
