my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
