nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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