I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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