just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
