Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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