For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
