The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
