i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
