How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize