Buhtt sex?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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