I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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