I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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