Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
