That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
