I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
