I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
