Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You were trust falling into bushes
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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