He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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