Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
