i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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