Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
