oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
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ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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