WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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