She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
