so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
