You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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