every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
