I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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